baby bug

It is hard to fathom that I would have a 4 year old today.

It is still even harder to fathom that I do not.

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I don’t care how “common” it is, miscarriage is hard. Every single due date comes and every single one hurts the same. I grieve for the baby I never held. I grieve for the baby my body rejected.

It is hard to imagine how different our life would be today if we had two babies here to care for. A 4 year old and an almost 2 year old. I’m sure they would be the very best friends, and enemies at times.

I would be making double batches of smoothies and beginning school soon. I would have to replace one of the baby swings for a big kid swing, and I’m sure we’d have bunk beds or sweet matching toddler beds for Elizabeth’s room. We’d probably be busy with an extracurricular activity. Would it be gymnastics or karate? Softball or baseball?

I don’t know. But I do know that I cannot wait for the sweet reunion in heaven. I know My mama is rocking that sweet baby every night, just as I rock Elizabeth. And I am sure that C.J. is the proudest uncle there. He wanted to be one so badly, and neither of them got to hear that I was successfully past the miscarriage point with Elizabeth, when they died.

We will celebrate today though. We will celebrate the miracle that God let me nurture a sweet baby, even if for only 10 weeks. We will celebrate for all that He taught us through him/her, and the way that (s)he changed our lives. We will celebrate that He blessed us with a beautiful healthy baby sister 2 years later. And we will celebrate knowing that (s)he is safe in the hands of God, BB, and Uncle C.J.

We will celebrate just like we did the night we found out I was pregnant!

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Happy 4th Birthday, baby. We love you so much! Your baby sister sleeps with your kitty cat every night. She loves it, just like I knew you would. She also sleeps in the crib we went to NY to get for you. I wish you could have slept in it, too. Bug, you will never know just how much you have changed our lives.

(first birthday post here)

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Many Days Down – 2 to go!

My pregnancy is dwindling down. I, like my doctor, am very surprised I haven’t delivered our li’l miracle yet. I was 2cm for at least a week, then 3cm for 3 consecutive weeks, and last Wednesday the dr said I was 3+ but not quiet 4.

Needless to say, physically I’m ready to have this baby! Emotionally, I think I’m ready. I’m definitely going to miss being pregnant. I have enjoyed (almost) every minute of it. Despite the constant vomiting during the first 12 weeks, and my obvious discomfort the past few weeks, I have loved it. It’s just so amazing.

There are some things that are not so amazing, that I don’t quiet understand, and wish I knew about sooner, however….

Well, let me just share a li’l list of those things which may include too much information…

*Any time in the sun has left my face with freckles! I’ve never had freckles before!
*I was totally not prepared for the never-ending discharge. Seriously, it’s annoying!
*Nipples change color. Umm yeah, will they go back to pre-prego color? And they itch, a lot!
*I have hated pineapple for 24 years. Alas, suddenly I can’t eat enough of it!
*It takes sooo much effort to get in and out of bed. And, since I have to pee (something I’d heard about, but was totally underestimating the amount of) at least 3 times a night it has become my biggest challenge. And about the time I finally get comfortable, my hip falls asleep and I have to forcefully roll myself to the other side.
*My legs are huge! I’ve always had big thighs and hips, but c’mon!
*When God chooses to bless us with another pregnancy I will remember to take stock in Charmin, Tums, panty liners,and Edy’s.
*I always loved Sprite, but suddenly am not a fan at all! It’s too… I’m not sure what. Sierra Mist now seems to be the fav, and I’m not a Pepsi product fan usually.

… And for now, that’s all my pregnant brain will remember. I suppose you could say that’s another thing – the lack of memory!

Anyway, I must go nest. Hopefully SOON I’ll be able to introduce my blessed baby girl with you!!!

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36 Weeks

Thursday I hit the “full term” mark in my pregnancy. At my OB appointment on Wednesday my doctor examined me and I am 3 cm dilated and 70% efaced. The week before I was at 2 cm and “thinning”. The doctor said it was unusual for a rookie.

This has possibly been the most challenging part of the whole pregnancy. There’s so many things I want and need to do, but I have zero energy, my legs & feet are insanely swollen, and I’m super uncomfortable (especially “down there”).

I’m crazy excited to meet my li’l angel, but very nervous that Andrew will not be here as it could be any minute and he’s away ’til Monday night. I could be completely wrong since this is my first and all, but I’m betting she doesn’t wait ’til July 1 to make her grand appearance. And frankly, I’m hoping she doesn’t.

Hopefully soon I can introduce her to you!

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Pregnancy Update – Week 34!

I hate that I’ve been a total slacker when it comes to blogging.

It’s just that there’s so much going on to share about, that I have no time to share it, nor a clue where to start.

Anyway, lately my thoughts are pretty much consumed by this li’l miracle!

Today marks 34 weeks in my pregnancy! That means I only have 6 more to go (at most). It is very bitter-sweet as I’ve really enjoyed being pregnant. Except that whole throwing up all day everyday for the first 12 weeks. Yes, I’m one of those annoyingly happy about being pregnant women! Though, I am now quiet uncomfortable and can hardly bend over to take the clothes out the washer.

It’s bitter-sweet because I take great comfort in knowing from her every kick that she is safe & healthy inside of me, taking in the exact amount of the right nutrients she needs. She knows not of fear, sickness, heartache, or disappointments. I am very excited to meet her though. To hold her & kiss her, to see her first smile, to tell her of her wonderful grandmother, to raise her to make wise choices & dream her own dreams.

I’m beginning to get nervous about the whole Labor & Delivery and bringing her home part though. Partially because Mama won’t be there. But also simply because birth is amazing, and I’m still not quiet sure how in the world a baby is going to come out of my youknowwhat. I think I’m as ready as I’m going to be though!

Thankfully, I had an awesome shower on Saturday and was blessed with lots of things! The only thing that I “need” is a breast pump which I’ll probably rent from the hospital first.

I’m dead set on breastfeeding though. Several people have told me how they “couldn’t” (and I could be totally wrong since I’ve never actually done it), but I really believe as with most things, if you’re confident in doing it, you can. I mean, I’m pretty sure the Colonials didn’t have Similac. Plus, the benefits! As I’ve grown use to doing during this pregnancy, I have to put my child’s best interests before mine. Even if I think it hurts, the it’s so much better for the baby.

I’ve learned a lot of “not to’s” during this pregnancy. That’s for sure. I think they will require a full post though – HA.

Anyway, I can’t sit any longer. My back is killing me. I think I’ll go stare at her room some more!

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