on my heart

why I deleted facebook {and some thoughts to chew on}

May 6, 2013 | posted by Jaima @ Ring Around the Rosies | 7 Comments

I have two posts on my heart that need to be written, and they kind of go hand-in-hand, but I think I’ll start with this one…

On why I’m choosing to disconnect, so to speak, from the world. Why I deleted the facebook app from my phone this weekend.

You see, I’ve been on facebook since the end of 2004, when only certain universities had it, and all the class electives made ensuring we got it part of their campaign. Seriously. That’s almost 9 years. It has changed drastically over the past decade, but it has also started to change me. And that is precisely why I decided to delete.

You may remember, that my word for the year is “intentional” meaning, I wanted to focus on being intentional on every aspect of my life this year. Intentional with how I spend my time is a big part of this… I want to be PRESENT! To truly take in and taste life, not just watch it pass by and see pictures of it on facebook – I want to taste it! Touch it! LIVE it!

Sure, it has many many positive features. It allows me to still shine my light in hopes of uplifting others. It allows me to know and stay in contact with family and friends all over the country. I am able to share pictures and stories of Elizabeth for aunts and cousins to see and enjoy. I utilize it very heavily in my business, and it is the meeting place and filing cabinet for all of our information…

But to me, it became an addiction. A time-sucking, mind-wasting addiction.

I don’t know a single person that doesn’t wish for more hours in the day.Yet, how many hours do we honestly waste away on facebook every single day|week|month|year?!? We have the same amount of hours in our day that the greatest people and accomplishers had/have in theirs!

This, is somewhat relevant, and a whole lot of convicting, but this speaks measures to me! And let’s be honest, how many people sleep a solid eight hours at night?

[This is where I air my dirty laundry]

You see, over the past year, maybe two, I find myself spending so much of my precious time there during the day. My phone is on my bed at night, tucked under my pillow. The phone isn’t the problem – it’s facebook. It is the very last thing I check before bed, and it is the very first thing I check when I wake up. And I’ll be honest, if I wake up during the night, I click that little “f” on my home screen. If I’m driving down the road and a notification pops up, I check it. If I’m at the grocery store and someone sends me a message, I stop in the aisle to check it. If Elizabeth is playing quietly (and even when she isn’t), I find myself scrolling through the pages. Almost as soon as Andrew gets home from work, I escape to the bedroom for just a “few minutes” which essentially turns into 10-20 while I zone out and like, share, and comment on almost meaningless things. Meaningless, because they truly have NO effect on my life.

This weekend I just got SICK of it. Physically, threw my phone across the floor and said, “I’m done… I can’t do this anymore”.

Elizabeth is growing before my very eyes, except my eyes are too stuck on that stupid app to see it happening. I could (should) be spending that 20 minutes of escape time that I need in the evenings reading His word, or praying for my family. It would still provide the quiet, me time that I crave. I should be thanking God for a new morning instead of checking the latest gossip on facebook as soon as I wake up. I should be snuggled up, nurturing my marriage at night instead of replying to comments and just totally stupid stuff!

The comments and posts I see in the morning set the tone for my entire day. I am just not productive.

Above, I stated that it is an addiction to me, and from the thread I created on our RATR Community Page, and from talking to many of my business partners, I understand that it is for many of you as well! It may not be the kind of addiction that can physically threaten your life. But I assure you – it can be the type that can threaten your most precious relationships! And rid you of time you will never have again with your children!

I get it, I really do… It is my basic means of communication throughout the day. It is how I keep up with my fast growing team. It is the most utilized tool for growing my business and blog, and essentially earning an income. HOWEVER, social media should work for US! We should not work for it!

Don’t get me wrong, I am not stepping away all together. I still have my account active. But, I am choosing to be much more cautious of my time there. The app is no longer on my phone. If I want to check messages, communicate with my friends/family/team members, or share what’s on my heart, then I will do that on my computer during “work” hours (meaning before Bean wakes up, which I use to check emails, and also during her nap/quiet time) and during my rare free time in the evening (but only, if it isn’t taking away time from my husband). Also, this will not change what you see posted on the Ring Around the Rosies page. I will still be posting there (again, during certain hours), and pushing pictures over from instagram.

I posted on my facebook last night after I deleted it, and I shared an abbreviated version of this post… You can see that I created quite a small revolution…

And just like I said in that last comment, so far, I do not miss it at all!!! IT IS SO FREEING to me! I don’t feel like a slave to my phone anymore. I am no longer checking my facebook all day to see what people are talking about. To see if anyone has commented on a picture. To see how many “likes” something has. This morning, instead of spending those 10-15 minutes of facebook before getting up, I read the Bible! Started my day and my mood so perfectly! I have already been so much more productive. I don’t have that “stuck” feeling like I normally had…

This is essentially a brand new era. The technology age. We have NO idea what the effects will be on us, on our children, on our grandchildren, and that scares the crap out of me. I will be a slave no more!

Positive thoughts and comments are encouraged…

Filed Under: balance, Faith, on my heart, simplify

Monday

January 28, 2013 | posted by Jaima @ Ring Around the Rosies | Leave a Comment

Monday Night…

As I was looking back over the month’s cell phone pictures I can’t help but feel blessed. Part of me can’t believe the calendar says the 28th, but then I look back at all we’ve already done this month.

We’ve cleaned out a ton. Organized a lot of things. Made some fun messes. Celebrated my birthday. Celebrated my uncle’s birthday. Had 3 date nights. Redid my office. Taken a couple of steps towards our future. Started another semester of college. Ran 20 miles. Started a bootcamp class. Lost a couple pounds. Began a new challenge that’s open to all of you. Eaten a lot of fruit. Drank a lot of hot tea and cold water. Watched the entire series of Private Practice. Surpassed the past 28 months in my business. Began new routines. Completely potty trained our 30 month old. Started making 10 minute meals. Bought plane tickets to Dallas in March and Orlando in April. Found out I’ll also be flying to San Francisco in May. Signed up for The Color Run. Went to the dentist (twice). Gave Elizabeth her first haircut (and gave her bangs after she lost them all with HFMD).

Thoroughly enjoyed every single day so far living with more intentions…

Filed Under: Elizabeth, Mommy Moment, on my heart, Our Family

monday, broken hearts, parties, and cookies

December 16, 2012 | posted by Jaima @ Ring Around the Rosies | Leave a Comment

There’s so much on my heart that I want to share, but just don’t have the right words or willingness to do so just yet. We are all heart broken. Newtown was such a pivotal part of mine and Andrew’s life. To think of the devastation that our family and neighbors are experiencing is just too much. I am trying to think of the best way for you all to help, for us to do something for good, for those sweet sweet babies. For now, just pray. Hold your babies tight. Cherish every single minute with your family. Cut off the television. And pray. Our God is mighty – He’s got this, too. Pray for the families, but don’t forget the first responders (Andrew’s best friend was one of the first six officers in the building), and the teachers and other innocent children who had to witness it first hand. I will share much more when I’m able and know more.

In other news, can you believe there’s only 7 days ‘til Christmas? December has just flown right by (like all the other months this year, but much faster). I’ll share with you what Christmas in our house is looking like this year, and share with you some of the glimpses of magic from Elizabeth’s eyes later this week.

I was away for the first week of the month meeting some of my team members for a 5 day conference. Last weekend we had Andrew’s corporate Christmas party and then I had my Cousins’ Christmas party with all of my mom’s girl cousins (there’s a lot of us). I had final exams all last week, and we had FOUR parties this weekend! Wow, no wonder the time is flying; we’re having too much fun!

For the first time since the accident (which will be 3 years on Saturday), I sort of have the Christmas Spirit this year. It’s a nice feeling.

Follow me on instagram for daily fun!

Filed Under: Christmas, on my heart, Our Family

on my heart

July 15, 2012 | posted by Jaima @ Ring Around the Rosies | 2 Comments

This morning at church one of our worship leaders (have I mentioned how fabulous our worship is before?) mentioned how much this song had impacted him this past week before we started singing it.

And I couldn’t help but tear up (as I do often during worship). This song is so perfect. All of the crappy things that happen during the week, we are so tired, we are plum wore out and wore down. And then comes Sunday, and songs like this.

It is so incredible to think that God has the ability to reach down and put his arm around us and take all of the crap away. The past few weeks have been so buy and semi stressful around here (you know the kind – and if you don’t, you will), and there God was this morning to pick us up and remind us of His goodness and grace.

It is so true! I’ve told you already that this is OUR year. After a few really terrible tragic years, this is finally our year for improvements, and God is truly creating beautiful things out of our lives and FOR our lives.

He is making beautiful things out of us!

My hope for you this week is that you allow him to make beautiful things with your life.

Filed Under: Faith, on my heart, This is Us

on my heart

July 1, 2012 | posted by Jaima @ Ring Around the Rosies | 5 Comments

I get asked all of the time how I was able to “stay so strong” and overcome our tragedy. From friends and church members, to you guys right here in the RATR Community.

I don’t know why I’ve never talked about this before, but it’s been on my heart so I thought I would share.

First of all, I have to clear the air and say that I wasn’t always so strong. I had lots of moments where I fell completely apart. My poor, gracious husband was the victim of many nights of screaming and lashing out. Not at him, but worse: at God.

I also have to tell you that everyone deals with grief differently. This I have learned in my own journey. And, there seem to be many different stages of grief, and some repeat. Today, I have no idea what stage I’m in, but it may or may not be the same stage I’ll be in tomorrow. I’ve also learned that this is ‘normal’.

Some people say grief and loss get better with time. Well, I’m here to tell you that isn’t the case. The stages just change, and you simply learn to cope better. To control it a little more. To not blame God. To not lose it in the middle of the grocery store.

I honestly, just now feel like the fog is lifting from my life. I spent pretty much the entirety of Elizabeth’s first year in a pretty dark haze. I didn’t realize it ‘til probably last fall, or maybe even the beginning of this year. But, I lived 100% for her. Every day, I went through the motions, but I was pretty reclusive. I hated going anywhere (I still deal with this). And I neglected myself – big time! I just recently feel like things are turning around. I can see light where it was once dark.

But Jaima, you seemed so strong. I saw you stand at your mom’s casket 13 weeks pregnant and hold it all together. Knowing how much your mama meant to you, I don’t know how you did that. Friends, I have to say that in those moments, I somehow was overcome by a surreal peace that passes understanding. From the moment we got on the highway on the way to the hospital until the moment my dad and Andrew cast the first few shovels of dirt on their coffin, I had peace. I cannot explain in any other way, except to try to describe it as if God had literally picked me up and placed my heart and mind in a totally different realm. It was only my physical body standing in that funeral home. I truly believe, to protect me, and my precious sweet girl growing inside, that God didn’t allow me to be mentally and emotionally present during all of that.

And I don’t think I actually started grieving for a while. I lived in a state of shock for a good six months. It wasn’t until all of the ‘business’ was finally taken care of that I accepted what had happened and that they were not in fact returning.

Like I said before, I still had several moments of clarity where I would literally fall apart. Often times it was in the privacy of my shower, others it was in full blown anger where I would literally scream. I remember the night it happened, Andrew and I were going to attempt a few hours of sleep (after all, we had just traveled 19 hours to get to Tennessee), he commented that, “God must have needed them for something big” and I yelled back, “but I need them”.

The day I finally had to take Mama’s Christmas tree and decorations down in mid January was another memorably horrible day. That was one of the hardest days I had. Thank God, my bffl and cousin were there to help me. Andrew had already returned to Connecticut and my dad had gone back to work to reclaim some normalcy. It was hell.

There were other moments like that too. Mother’s Day every year is pretty rough. Every year since, Andrew’s been the one to have to pick out cards for his mom and our grandmother’s. I cannot even go near the aisles without getting angry and sad. I lose it right there in the store every year.

And then there are the times where I see other girls having lunch or shopping with their moms. Or grandmothers playing or spoiling their granddaughters. Those times hurt the most. Knowing that Elizabeth doesn’t know that love.

Some days are better than others, but thankfully, now there are a lot more good days than bad.

I have several ways in which I dealt with my grief. They weren’t all healthy, but I think that’s pretty common when tragedy hits the way it did for us. With grief, you literally have to take it one day at a time. Sometimes one hour at a time. I, like always turned to God. I sincerely believe it was Him that filled me with peace and strength to face each day. Even though I was angry with Him at times, I knew He had it all under control. I knew essentially, that it was all His plan.

And as crazy as this sounds, I am beginning to understand a little more about His timing and plans, but that’s a whole different post. Perhaps I will share with you more about dealing with grief and the different stages it has in another post soon.

For now, I am going to close with this, one of my favorite verses that keeps me grounded.