I’ve shared with you all before how much I worry about leaving Elizabeth without a mother. Don’t get me wrong, I’m equally terrified of losing her, but I also know the pain of losing your mom.
Not a single day goes by that I don’t think the “what-ifs”. It seriously controls me.
I read about this local 29 year old woman two weeks ago who had four young girls, but was fighting for her life. It broke my heart. I’ve thought about it for days. Prayed about it so much. Well just now, I read where she left those girls today on her 29th birthday. I wept for those sweet girls. Only 9, 6, 2, and 4 months. She had to deliver the baby at only 25 weeks because her cancer was spreading too fast. It’s so hard to even type that.
Can you imagine?
It’s things like this that really test my faith. Don’t get me wrong, I know and believe whole-heartedly that God has a time and plan for everything, but… I just can’t imagine. I know there is nowhere better to be, and that it is the ultimate gain to reach Eternity. but…
Since Mom & CJ died, I pay careful attention to even how I put my seatbelt on.
I go out of my way to put special notes on things like the Christmas ornaments (I have a post about how I reorganized my Christmas stuff soon) that I want Elizabeth to know about God forbid, I die before she’s old enough to remember. I make sure to write down and document her pictures incase I’m not here to tell her about her childhood.
It controls me.
I just want Elizabeth to know how much I love her. And I never want her to feel the pain that I’ve had to feel…
El’s newborn pics by E. Chambliss Photography
What a precious picture. Love love love it.
http://www.sincerelyarizona.blogspot.com/
This is a really poignant post, I too feel the same since having my little girl. I am so scared that something is going to happen to me and I am going to miss her growing up. I get so scared about losing someone I love. Hugs. xx
love the picture, Never fear… the lord has your back….great post!
Awe, thanks! Love that baby!
Thank you!!! Praise God, He's got me!
So glad to know I'm not the only one! It is so terrifying! XOXO
I think about death often too and it is very scary, actually right before visiting your blog I was at a blog where at 32 year old mother of two very young girls (one is a baby) was recently diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and told that there is no cure and she will die. I just can't even imagine. Wishing you a very long life!!!!
You too, Olivia!!! Glad I'm not the only one who thinks these things… Cannot image receiving that diagnosis. Ugh, makes my heart and stomach hurt to think about…
i cry VERY often thinking about leaving my daughter without a mother. it brings me to tears right now thinking about it. its so scary but sometimes i have to tell myself to put those thoughts aside and enjoy EVERY day i have with her.
Me too! I try really hard to not get frustrated when she dumps all the goldfish in the floor or when she makes a big mess for me to clean up. One of these days she'll be grown and I'll miss it! Or worse… So I try really hard to soak it all up and repeat over and over how much I love her!
I obsess about this very thing…not sure if it's because I've had some death around me but I go into panic mode a lot thinking about my now 21 month old (today actually!!) losing me…used to be more more losing him now I think about him losing me. We are soul connected to the core and well, I just can't imagine. I feel like it sounds so dramatic
) but this is a truth so why not share it?? Thanks for posting!!!!
So glad to know I'm not alone! <3
Hi, I'm a new follower of your blog (found you through pineterest and your freezer crockpot meals). I too worry about this, and worry about my husband being angry at God if I were to die. I'm sorry you lost your mom too early, and your sweet other baby at 10 weeks. You are a wonderful daughter of God, thanks for sharing your trials with all of us.
I too have the same fear of not being around for my kids (my daughter especially, who will need her mom's guidance). I took a moleskine journal and started a 365 project, with words. Scripture, common sense, journal entries, memories, advice. I really hope I'm there to give it to her someday, but…if I'm not, maybe she'll still hear my words, ya know? Just an idea, thought you might appreciate <3