I’ve shared with you all before how much I worry about leaving Elizabeth without a mother. Don’t get me wrong, I’m equally terrified of losing her, but I also know the pain of losing your mom.
Not a single day goes by that I don’t think the “what-ifs”. It seriously controls me.
I read about this local 29 year old woman two weeks ago who had four young girls, but was fighting for her life. It broke my heart. I’ve thought about it for days. Prayed about it so much. Well just now, I read where she left those girls today on her 29th birthday. I wept for those sweet girls. Only 9, 6, 2, and 4 months. She had to deliver the baby at only 25 weeks because her cancer was spreading too fast. It’s so hard to even type that.
Can you imagine?
It’s things like this that really test my faith. Don’t get me wrong, I know and believe whole-heartedly that God has a time and plan for everything, but… I just can’t imagine. I know there is nowhere better to be, and that it is the ultimate gain to reach Eternity. but…
Since Mom & CJ died, I pay careful attention to even how I put my seatbelt on.
I go out of my way to put special notes on things like the Christmas ornaments (I have a post about how I reorganized my Christmas stuff soon) that I want Elizabeth to know about God forbid, I die before she’s old enough to remember. I make sure to write down and document her pictures incase I’m not here to tell her about her childhood.
It controls me.
I just want Elizabeth to know how much I love her. And I never want her to feel the pain that I’ve had to feel…
El’s newborn pics by E. Chambliss Photography