So far, I am on day 4 of my challenge, and it has been amazing! I feel so much lighter. Much less tense. Almost free at times.
I’ve gotten up on time every morning, prayed, at least read my daily devotional (some mornings I’ve taken the extra time to read His actual words), and shared a few moments with the Lord and my husband before letting the day get crazy.
Instead of having my phone in my hand all day, I’ve been plugging it in to the surround sound and playing Pandora. Listening to praise all day helps me stay focused, and helps me to not lash out when I want to. Yesterday, we had a “dance party” for nearly an hour. It was awesome. All three of the kids loved it! And essentially, I love anything that holds their interest for that long – especially if it’s something that is good for their ears and heart. As an added bonus, it keeps us moving/dancing. After nap time, F even requested me to turn it back on! Score!
Probably my favorite thing so far about this challenge is how it’s already affected my marriage. Before, I’ll admit (though I haven’t really even admitted this to him even), it seemed like we had become so distant. It seemed like I was so far away from the person I wanted to be closest to. Andrew is a hard, dedicated worker (which I truly respect and appreciate – especially since it allows me to stay home), and he is always up for helping other people (which again, I love, but selfishly wish he’d spend that time with me and El). It frustrated me to no end that he was rarely at home. That the only time he spent with Elizabeth was a few short minutes in the morning and then dinner time at night before I gave her a bath & put her to bed. And I became more and more frustrated. And who did I take it out on when I was frustrated? Him, of course. I was frustrated that I seemed to be the one doing all the work around the house while all he did was supply the money. I had began to fill like a single mom who got the privilege of at least sharing dinner and a bed with their spouse. The only time we had to ourselves was right before bed when we’d take silent showers together. It seemed like we talked on the phone during the day more than we would talk face to face. When he’d get home, he’d either be so tired (and probably frustrated at me, too) he’d either veg out while leaving me to tend to things myself, or I’d nag him to death about the thousands of things on his “honey do list” ’til he’d do them, which didn’t need my help. Clearly, things were not healthy. Until I challenged myself. Sunday night, after he came home from two long days with the Army, I asked/made him read my blog posts. He grumbled that they were so long…. However, in just four short days, I will say that we are probably in a happier place than we have been since before Elizabeth was born, or realistically, since we made the move to Tennessee. He’s been getting up with me in the mornings. I share with him the devotional, and this morning, and Tuesday morning, we talked for a good while. About our plans, about our current financial crisis, and about our blessings. He’s been playing with El in the mornings, and doing bath/bed time with us at night. And instead of me running off to facebook or clean something, I’ve let it go and relaxed with the man I’ve always thought God created especially for me. This morning we even went for a run together. All 3 of us. When I want to say something ugly, I’ve been praying for him – for me. It feels great. I never imagined us needing this challenge. We rarely argue, and generally have a perfect marriage, but we’ve both just let other things come between that.
It’s been hard, but it has been soooo worth it.
I wish you could fill the lightness atop my shoulders now. Where once, I was so bogged down with boulders, I feel free. The boulders I created for myself, I removed. And it feels awesome!
