I am thinking of renaming my blog “Awful Beautiful Life”, as mine is definitely defined by this simple chorus of Darryl Worley’s first hit.
I was uploading pictures tonight while missing my hubby & contemplating while exchanging a few emails about our life together – our past, current, and forever life together. In the midst of it all I came across this picture from two weekends ago that we snapped of ourselves while our friend’s li’l girl was taking her first spin. Regardless of this picture being of great (or any) quality, I remember when we were taking that picture & the thoughts I was thinking.
Let me elaborate… As I was doing doughnuts enjoying a relaxing ride on the water & basking in God’s beauty, I was thinking about all that we have achieved for ourselves in our short five years together (almost three of them married). I was thinking about how unbelievable it was that we were not only out in a boat, but that we were entertaining friend in our boat.
I have heard that some people envy the life that I live and then I hear that others call me “the black sheep”. I realize that I walked out of my parents house, gave up my dream college, and moved 980 miles away with a teenage boy whom I had only known for 18 months. I realize that I am the first in my enormous family to cross the state line & call land other than that which I was raised on “home”. I have family members that I once held a lot of respect for lose that respect. They never took interest that I was doing what I felt in my heart was right or that what I was doing was making me incredibly happy. In fact, they pretty much wrote me off. Didn’t attend my Bridal Shower (or bother send a gift), didn’t attend my wedding, didn’t send a “congrats” card when I found out I was pregnant or even a “thinking of you” card when I lost him. They hardly said five words to me when I flew home for sudden death, and even quit sending Christmas cards. And you know, they almost convinced me that what I had done was wrong. Made me feel guilty for being happy.
But you know, as I was thinking tonight and praising God for all of the things he has blessed us with I realized that I am not the guilty one. No, I am the blessed one. I am the one who stepped out of my comfort zone and discovered a life for myself.
I cannot elaborate enough how truly happy I am to have Andrew and the life that we have. I lovelovelove him, and have beyond description since the first moment we met. We have created a family here. All by ourselves, and I cannot tell you how good that feels to say. Yes, we have a nice home, fine jobs, good cars, 2 li’l girls (Peppers & Jade that is) that love us unconditionally, and yes, even a boat.
I have heard from all different people, husbands and wives, that marriage is “the end of your life” and all of the other horror stories of the “honeymoon phase being over”, but I am proud to say that I do not believe it. Yes, the tingles and flowers come less frequently, but I love him. You know, I could probably tell you about the only two times we’ve truly ever been mad at each other. We have never argued. Yes, we have the occasionally bickering because someone didn’t put something in the right cabinet, laundry hamper, basket, etc, but we are always happy. We are a team. Husband and wife. Best friends, and we have made ourselves this crazy, beautiful life…
And I think that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Even if I’m not at “home”.
“I laid in bed that night and thought about the day
And how my life is like a roller coaster ride;
The ups and downs and crazy turns along the way
It’ll throw you off if you don’t hold on tight.
You can’t really smile until you’ve shed some tears
I could die today or I might live on for years.
I love this crazy, tragic,
Sometimes almost magic,
Awful, beautiful life”
I am so happy that you are so happy in your marriage. Like you, I LOVE marriage, and it has been such a wonderful time these past six years. Don't listen when people tell you to "just wait," b/c bad stuff is just around the corner. From my perspective, it just gets better and better. And I know you know this, but this is something that I have forgotten sometimes in my life:it is God who has blessed you and allowed you to be happy. We don't "earn" our blessings through our own effort and work. There are people in this life who work like dogs and never get a break. Or people in this life who have had no life training and do not even comprehend what it means to be self-disciplined. God gave you and me the ability to work, and He allowed our work to pay off for us in wonderful ways. He gave you and me the stable background and Christian upbringing that taught us how to love and be loved, how to serve and work hard. All good things come from Him, not us. I know that you have worked for it–that is obvious, b/c a happy, peaceful life takes work and dedication, and you seem to have that life. But sometimes when we begin to think that it is something that we have earned or achieved on our own merit, it makes us look down on others who don't have as much or do as much as we do. I'm not saying that you do this, but I do know that it something that I sometimes struggle with. And just remember, you could lose all that material stuff tomorrow. It doesn't matter. God's love and His wonderful plan for you is what matters.
Again, I know that you know this, my sweet friend. I have always loved your heart and your kind spirit. And I look forward to seeing all the plans that God has for you in the future.